I looked in the mirror and watched my pupils grow. The closer I got, the larger they became—until my eyes were completely black. For a moment, I didn’t recognize myself. But I didn’t look away.
That dream was a message.
For years, I stood beside someone I believed in. I advocated for justice, carried the weight of his story, and lost pieces of myself trying to protect a version of him that wasn’t real. I silenced my truth to keep the peace.
Then he remarried—just four months after our divorce.
That was the final clarity I needed.
The black eyes in the dream weren’t something to fear. They were showing me the depth of what I’ve endured. Of how deeply I saw others—yet how rarely I was seen. They were the reflection of a woman who’s finally waking up.
I’ve cut ties. I’ve reclaimed my voice. I’m no longer just a mirror to someone else’s narrative. I’m telling mine.
Narcissistic abuse is real. So is betrayal, grief, and spiritual exhaustion. But so is healing. So is truth.
These blogs are an effort to bridge the gap between justice impacted families and directly impacted individuals . The objective is to provide a voice to the voiceless and bring healing to the many families and children that have been Indirectly impacted by this system .
Many of you know I have been indirectly impacted by the justice system for 8 years. Like many of you I have centered my life around the lifestyle of my incarcerated Loved one. ”They say you never really know someone until you have lived with them , had a baby with them , or married them”.
Although all those circumstances are valid, as a family member you never know someone’s character until you have consistantly done a bid with them . As much as a Rider that I was , I was forced to look at my situation objectively and recognize how it impacted my household. As heartbroken as my reality was, I was forced to heal in solitude. At that moment I was able to hear the voice of God.
“The mission was much bigger than one individual, the mission was for the many women and children that suffered in silence”.
My healing journey began once I decided to forgive and be obedient to the calling. Although I still support the many movements and organizations dedicated to restorative justice, I must be transparent about my experiences. And if we truly want to Reform this system we must address more than policies to rebuild the community.
Once you are completely submerged in the lifestyle, you never notice the years that pass by. It’s almost like you are in an alternative universe completely separate from the real world we currently live in. Considering the circumstances, this is completely unhealthy and aloof from reality. Being submerged in the title of mother, wife, girlfriend, or baby momma, you don’t notice the needs of others that live in the same reality as you. Consumed by your loved ones expectations & demands you often lack the capacity to feel and understand anything outside of the situation you’re in.In my opinion the demand that Incarceration buts on families is unjust .
Full Transparency: The pressure that families experience is unbefitting and indelicate to one’s instinctive nature. Oftentimes, families that are already in lack are forced to make unreasonable sacrifices to cater to needs influenced by prison politics. These sacrifices are not beneficial to the families that have been subjecting to incarceration. Supporting an individual under those circumstances is a gamble of time you cannot get back. On one hand, supporting an incarcerated person can have significant emotional, social, and financial benefits to them but on the contrary can be depleting to the families who support them .With acknowledging both positive and negative aspects ,Providing emotional support through letters, visits, or phone calls can help reduce feelings of loneliness, depression, and isolation for the incarcerated person. This reminds them that they are not forgotten and can give them hope and motivation. Support can help preserve and even strengthen bonds with family, friends, or loved ones during that time as long as there is healing and continuous growth. Connecting to the inside can foster a sense of continuity while helping the individual reintegrate into society once released, which as a result encourages rehabilitation.
The problems mostly occur when the individual constantly has to battle with the person they need to be under those circumstances and the person they should be for their families. Most justice impacted individuals have to change who they are to survive, because they are in a repetitive state of trauma . Due to this reality families receive the residual effects of incarceration. Upon post incarceration they are still subjected to the unstable mental state they will be in from the draconian sentences they have served.
families are often the last to be considered throughout and after a bid , which makes many question why we sacrifice your time ? Sometimes the only response is silence because no one can truly understand your position until they have embarked on the journey themselves. For me it was out of nothing but genuine love. I was naive to the realities of supporting someone under these circumstances and my sense of security came from knowing the individual prior to incarceration.All I saw was a friend whose story needed to be told. I honestly felt a strong sense of moral fulfillment knowing that I made an effort to contribute positively to someone’s life.The least I could have done was listen . My love may be overzealous, but that is simply a reflection of its purity. We advocate relentlessly on supporting justice-impacted individuals and their families but fail to acknowledge the emotional and psychological toll we face. The truth is, supporting an incarcerated person can be emotionally draining, especially if their situation feels unfair or if the process of their rehabilitation is slow or uncertain. This will take a toll on your mental health and as a result your physical health. You may often feel torn between helping your incarcerated loved one and taking care of your own well-being. Oftentimes, you’re left with feelings of guilt, anger, or resentment but you push past those feelings acknowledging they will always lack more because of where they are. To be clear there is nothing rehabilitating about incarceration, it’s impossible to heal in the same place that broke you . It also doesn’t help if your loved ones cannot safely process their emotional struggles to develop the emotional maturity to understand, support, or respect these realities that families are faced with because of them.This invisible wall of complexities and inefficiencies of the legal system makes it impossible for your needs to be met. Thus often leaving you unequally yoked in a relationship. The treatment of incarcerated individuals can cause stress and frustration for those trying to provide support. The residual effect of this treatment can cause misplaced anger that can oftentimes be abusive to their families. Prison communication services such as phone calls, video calls, and email access can be very expensive, putting a financial strain on supporters who want to maintain regular contact. Visiting an incarcerated person can involve travel expenses, accommodation,and time off work. In some cases, these expenses can be substantial, especially if the facility is far from home. The pressure one must endure for love is questionable. I understood what I was sacrificing for it, but was it worth it? The stigma and uncanny judgment from friends, family, and colleagues for supporting someone who is incarcerated is unbearable and completely unfair. As if life wasn’t difficult enough, we now have to rebuild communities to find emotional support. This causes families to suffer in silence, constantly having to fight for respect and love that is never fully reciprocated. Society often views incarcerated people through a negative lens, and this always affects the families’ social relationships and reputation. As a result, I lost everything. It strains personal relationships and causes conflict within my own family. My turning point became clear when I became a mother. At that point, I was able to take heed of one’s core values and move accordingly. Sometimes, major life changes can illuminate truth in the most tyrannical way.
Throughout this journey, I have learned to reconnect with God to love myself unconditionally.This by far has been the most challenging experience I have ever faced in my life. Recognizing trauma bonds and acknowledging abuse in any form is the most awakening event that can take place in a person’s life. Choosing to heal & forgive after being disappointed is the first step to spiritual redemption. Taking accountability is the second. For someone like myself, I acknowledge and take accountability for embarking on that journey and staying after acknowledging it for what it was. Loving someone harder will not make them love you correctly or change their behavior. If a person is genuinely not willing to do the inner work, they will infect everyone else around them. I have seen many families suffer abuse through supporting their loved ones under these circumstances. Some of which I will keep to myself to protect the individuals. The reality is, a person cannot be their best version of self living in a narcissistic environment. We need to recognize we are all reflections of our environment and mental state. Healing after abuse is a challenging and deeply personal process. It involves addressing the physical, emotional, and psychological impacts of what happened, and it’s important to recognize that healing doesn’t follow a linear path. It may be tempting to downplay or minimize this, but acknowledging it for what it is helps validate your feelings and experiences. Finding a therapist that specializes in trauma or abuse can provide a safe space to process your feelings and experiences of what you endured while supporting a loved one under those circumstances. Connecting with others who have gone through similar experiences can help you feel less isolated. Take the time to focus on activities that promote your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. This could include exercise, art,meditation, or spending time in nature. Setting boundaries is the hardest part of healing, but it is the most essential.
It’s important to set boundaries with people in your life, especially if they were involved in or minimized the abuse. Do not feel guilty for standing your ground. This may involve limiting contact or removing certain people from your life altogether. Break your routine,say “no” when you need to, and give yourself permission to prioritize your healing. Abuse can trigger a wide range of emotions, including anger, sadness, shame, and guilt. Allow yourself to feel and express these emotions rather than suppressing them. Writing in a journal,creating art, or speaking to a trusted friend can help. Cry it out!
Forgiving yourself is important, especially if you blame yourself for what happened. Whether or not you choose to forgive the abuser is up to you; it’s not required for healing. Abuse can damage your sense of self. It is not your fault if they violated your trust. Engaging in activities that make you feel competent and valued can help rebuild self-esteem. Buy yourself flowers, write yourself a loving letter, take the time to make yourself feel beautiful. Speak positive affirmations, and surround yourself with supportive people who respect and uplift you. This can help strengthen your sense of self-worth.
Trauma can leave lasting effects, including triggers, flashbacks, and negative thought patterns.If you plan on allowing yourself to love again, please work on your trauma responses. Having strategies to manage triggers, anxiety, or panic attacks can help you feel more in control.Mindfulness, grounding exercises, and breathing techniques can be effective tools. Healing is a long-term journey that doesn’t have a set timeline. Be patient and compassionate with yourself,even when progress seems slow or setbacks occur. Try to consider practices such as yoga, meditation, or spiritual rituals. These can help connect you to a sense of peace or purpose. Some find that engaging with spiritual beliefs provides a source of strength and comfort. It’s important to know that you’re not alone and that healing is possible, even if it feels overwhelming at times. The goal is not necessarily to forget what happened but to integrate the experience in a way that allows you to move forward and reclaim your life. ● ● ● ● ● Identifying abuse psychological or emotional abuse-refers to harmful behaviors that don’t involve physical contact but still have a significant negative impact on a person’s mental and emotional well-being. Verbal abuse -Insults, name-calling, or constant criticism aimed at demeaning the person.
Yelling, screaming, or swearing to intimidate or belittle.
Making demeaning or derogatory comments, even in a “joking” way. Emotional Manipulation – Using guilt, shame, or fear to control someone’s actions or decisions. or perception. way”).
Gaslighting, which involves making the victim question their reality, memory,
Blaming the victim for the abuser’s behavior (e.g., “You made me act this Isolation – Controlling who the person can see, speak to, or spend time with.
Preventing the person from engaging in activities they enjoy or keeping them away from friends and family.
Monitoring communication (texts, emails, calls) to limit outside contact.
Financial Abuse – Controlling the victim’s access to money or financial resources.
Forcing the victim to account for every expense.
Restricting the victim from working or pursuing educational opportunities. ● ● ● Threats and Intimidation – Threatening to harm the victim, others they care about, or pets.
Threatening self-harm to manipulate the victim.
Intimidating through gestures, looks, or by destroying property. Or sending outsiders to threaten you . Withholding Affection – Using affection, love, or attention as a bargaining tool. the “silent treatment” or withholding intimacy to punish or control.
Giving
Alternating between affection and cruelty to keep the victim off balance. Digital Abuse – Using technology to control or harass, such as frequent texts or tracking location.
– Publicly shaming, humiliating, or spreading rumors about the victim online.
Controlling access to social media or monitoring online activities. Impacts of Non-Physical Abuse The effects can be severe and long-lasting, leading to issues such as anxiety, depression, PTSD, low self-esteem, and difficulties in relationships. Though it doesn’t leave visible scars, it is no less harmful than physical abuse.Know your worth and walk away!
In a world that often rewards appearances over authenticity, let this be your reminder:
You don’t need 20K followers, a trending body type, or a curated online persona to be valuable. You never needed a BBL to be beautiful, a bottle in your hand to be relevant, or a subscription link to be worthy of love, money, or recognition.
To the women who chose their minds over their bodies as a form of currency— You are not overlooked. You are not forgotten. You are walking in a rare kind of power this world is still learning how to appreciate. Your equal is out there. Your preference will find you. And when they do , they will cherish the ground you walk on—not because of what you show, but because of who you are.
To the Black girl who felt like oversexualizing herself was the only way to be seen— There is still time to return to yourself. There is healing available for wounds you didn’t cause. You are allowed to unlearn survival mechanisms that were never yours to carry. You are more than the projection placed on you by a society that often only sees your body and not your brilliance.
To the woman who’s been hurt by emotionally unavailable men— It’s okay to admit you were looking for love in broken places. But let this be the season you give yourself the unconditional love you’ve always deserved.
To the woman who kept pouring into someone who only took— Please hear this: You were never meant to heal his mother wound. You were never designed to fix what he refuses to face. His emptiness was not your assignment.
And to the woman who’s endured abuse—physically, mentally, financially, emotionally— It wasn’t your fault. But now, it is your responsibility to heal. To protect your peace. To reclaim your power. You do not have to carry the shame that was never yours to begin with. You are allowed to rebuild. You are worthy of rebuilding.
In a world full of filters, edits, and performance, authenticity has become the new minority. So if you’ve ever felt like you didn’t belong in the spotlight because you chose the quiet road, the righteous road, the hard road—you do belong. And you are not alone.
Your softness is not weakness. Your standards are not arrogance. Your values are not outdated. They are your crown.
My sister— You are loved. You are seen. You are heard. You are valued.
Not for how much skin you show. Not for how loudly you perform. But for the depth, intention, and grace with which you live.
And no matter what the world says—you were never too little. You were just too rare.
There comes a time in every woman’s life when she realizes she was never the problem—she was just in the wrong room.
Maybe you were the one who always showed up. The one who loved without holding back. The one who gave grace, extended support, and stayed solid even when the ground beneath you shifted. And yet, you were overlooked. Taken for granted. Made to feel like your worth was invisible.
But let me remind you of something powerful: God didn’t give you that light to hide it. He placed it in you so you could illuminate dark spaces. You were never meant to shrink, to be silent, or to mold yourself to fit a place that couldn’t see your value.
You were meant to shine.
Let them misunderstand you. Let them whisper. Let them walk away. It will not break you—it will build you. Because no weapon formed against you shall prosper. Their rejection is often just divine redirection.
Here’s what you need to know, sis: It’s not about what you wear, what you own, or the titles you hold. True power lies in who you are when no one’s watching. Your strength is in your integrity, your compassion, your resilience, and the standards you live by—especially when no applause is in the room.
The truth is, we live in a world where people often chase image over impact. Status over substance. But that’s not you.
You were made with depth. With a heart that sees people. With a spirit that values connection over convenience. And that? That is rare. That is gold.
So, don’t ever apologize for your light. Don’t downplay your gifts to make others comfortable. Don’t stop being kind just because others couldn’t handle your softness. And above all—don’t stop showing up as you.
You are not too much. You are not too loud. You are not too emotional. You are not too ambitious. You are exactly who you were created to be.
And the right people—the ones who are rooted, who recognize real, who value substance over surface—they will see you. They will honor you. They will never make you question your worth.
Until then, keep shining. Even in the grimmest of rooms. Especially in the rooms that tried to dim you.
You are light. You are legacy. And you are just getting started.
I had to face a painful truth: I was responsible for every event that unfolded in my life. The betrayal I experienced was undeserved—but the unwavering loyalty I gave to a situation that continually violated the core of my femininity? That was on me.
My healing journey exposed just how unfair and unhealthy my lifestyle had become. I had placed faith in a man conditioned to value quantity over quality. I stayed loyal to someone who hadn’t even developed basic emotional intelligence—let alone table manners. And just like that, I went from soul mate to wife to mother of two, carrying the weight of a responsibility that was never mine to bear.
It was never my job to raise someone else’s child in the emotional sense—especially when I was still learning how to nurture the one I had birthed into this world. Blinded by a false idea of love, I poured everything I had into someone who only took. And when I had nothing left for myself, I broke.
I could’ve let the weakness consume me. But instead, I stared down the ugliest parts of my reality—shocked, ashamed, and disappointed in the woman I had become. I avoided my reflection for months. Who was this woman? 40 pounds heavier. Stressed. Depressed. Isolated. It was just me, God, and my child.
But God had already prepared a safe haven for me.
There, in my brokenness, my Father comforted me. He reminded me that the purity of my heart and my intentions were never the problem. Day after day, I wrestled with the time I had given to someone who never deserved it. But relearning life became my mission—because my son needed me. His journey as a neurodivergent child gave me purpose. As he fought to communicate, I fought to be his safe space, where he could be fully free.
Together, we started to heal. No distractions. No lies. Just truth and growth.
I entered a new phase of healing—one that reintroduced me to who I was as a woman, a mother, and a child of God. What was the lesson in all of this?
I let go of everything that distracted me. I cleansed my soul through fasting and prayer, and I started hearing God again. I wrote down my manifestations—and one by one, they started coming true. When I finally broke the soul tie that had held me captive, blessings flowed like water.
I had no control over how fast God would turn my life around. All I had to do was surrender.
The broken-down car? Replaced and upgraded. The lost home? Restored—but only after I obeyed the call to relocate. God repositioned me and asked for my trust. I gave it.
Within one year—after losing everything for the second time—I was restored. I stood in my new smart home, holding my son’s hand, with my best friend beside me, reflecting on everything we’d escaped. For the first time in years, my spirit felt light. Hopeful. Alive.
I thanked God. I rededicated my mission to Him. I fasted and prayed for clarity.
“Why?” I asked. “Why did I fail after being blindly faithful to the man I vowed my life to for eight years?”
God answered: “You didn’t fail. You were obedient. I was testing your willingness to follow the call I placed on your life.”
I was someone’s answered prayer. But when the assignment ended, I obeyed the call to move on.
The mission was never about just one man. It was about me—knowing my worth, recognizing my ability to heal, and understanding how broken I truly was when I entered that relationship.
I wept for weeks, but I finally understood: The healed version of me would never have accepted what the broken version tolerated.
So I took accountability. I vowed to heal every part of me that made me vulnerable enough to accept less than I deserved.
My love was real. My intentions were pure. But if I had loved myself the way I tried to prove my love to someone else, I would have never wasted time I could never get back.
Bidder-Sweet LLC 